Zip On!

I'm afraid of heights. I'm afraid of speed. I don't do roller coasters and once while on an Alpine slide, I had a line of angry, screaming people behind me because I was riding my brake.  I am not the most daring person. In fact, you could say I am risk adverse.  The biggest risks I ever take are chopping all my hair off and wearing bright orange dresses.

But if I really want to keep to the spirit of project50, I feel that I need to challenge myself.  It can't all be massages and trips.  I want to grow from this experience.  And what better way to grow than to face the things you fear.  Bungee jumping and skydiving were off the table. (I don't want to grow that much)  Ziplining seemed manageable.

I piled Mark and the two youngest into the car and headed off to Empower Zip Line in Middletown, CT to take the leap.

 

What I Learned

Thinking Is Over-rated or Denial Isn't Such a Bad Thing.

I'm guilty of over-thinking.  I tend to research, consult and analyze before making decisions.  While that serves me well in most instances, it can be a hindrance in others.  Anticipation can lead to anxiety and sometimes its just better to put certain things out of mind until the moment is at hand. So whether through denial, avoidance or early onset Alzheimer's, when we arrived at Empower my nerves were under control.  The nerves started as I climbed the 10 ft ladder to the first platform.

 

The First Step Is the Hardest or A Leap of Faith

I stood on the platform and listened intently as our guides explained procedure and technique and watched as eight people took the leap before me, my nerves still intact. But none of this prepared me to take that first step off the platform to zip 350 feet across a field 50 feet off the ground. It was my turn.  I hesitated.  I started to think. My brain started screaming. "Who's idea was this? This is crazy! I'm afraid! You could crash!" And then, I willfully shut off my brain and stepped off the platform.  I wish I could say it was exciting and exhilarating but I was so focused on not spinning and sticking the landing that I had little time to enjoy the ride.

The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste

There are four zip lines of various lengths on the course and as with anything, the more I did, the more comfortable I felt.  Even standing on a 10 foot platform 50 feet up in a tree really didn't bother me.  I kept reminding myself that I was harnessed and secured to the cables.  The hardest part of the whole course had to be the cargo net and the multi-vine traverse. Where with the zip line, the cable and pulley and incline did the work, on the cargo net and traverse I had to do the work. Whether I maneuvered across or fell to dangle on the cable was all up to me.  It's hard to remember that you are safely attached to cables that can stop jets on aircraft carriers when you are working your way across a cargo net.  There was a battle of wills taking place between my defeatist and determined self.  Little Mary Little kept saying, "You can't do this.  This is too hard. You're going to fall!  You look like an idiot.  This is craziness." But Mary Little-Finnegan chimed in, "You can do this.  Just a bit more.  You're going to be OK. One step at a time."  It's a battle I've fought my entire life and a lesson I am still learning.  I have to be my own best cheerleader.  I can talk myself out of and into anything and I need to talk myself into more.

When All Else Fails Fake It 'Til You Make It

At the end of the day my face ached from smiling. Not sure whether the smiles were genuine (i.e. thrilled to be here) or nervous (i.e. I can't cry like a baby so I'll plaster this smile on my face and pretend it's all good.)  Either way, there's a lesson here.  Sometimes if I can just get out of my own way and act the part, I'll grow my way into it.

There Is Power In The People

Surrounding yourself with great people can get you where you want to, need to go.  From the guides at Empower to the other members of our group and my husband and children, the support I felt helped to get me through.  I also freely admit that a bit of peer pressure didn't hurt.  Who wants to be the first one or the only one of the group that refuses to do something?

Does it rate in my top 10 experiences of all time?  No.  Would I do it again? Yes.  I think it's like anything.  The more you do it the more familiar it becomes, the less fear there is.  I'd like to go again; this time to enjoy the ride rather than conquer the fear.