The Excellent Minnesota Adventure

 

My sister Meg and nephew Sean make regular treks to Connecticut from Minnesota to visit.  It was beyond time for me to make the trip out west and cross off a few project50 items while I visited.

 

Lessons Learned

If You Don't Use It, You Lose It

I have to admit it was a wee bit disconcerting to make this trip by myself. Once upon a time, I traveled alone.  I felt very comfortable just picking up and going and wouldn't think twice about being on my own. That was over 25 years, a husband and four children ago.   When you travel with others there's a safety net, a second set of eyes and ears that will catch things you might not and then there's the whole comfort in numbers piece. I got used to being part of a team and haven't had to rely solely on myself for a long, long time.

What I found is that it's like any other skill and requires practice to increase your comfort level. Just like riding a bike, it only took a short amount of time for me to get into the groove.  The added bonus: I had a sense of accomplishment when I mastered the maze of boarding pass, security and gates. And dare I say I felt free? Please don't misunderstand.  I love my family with a deep abiding passion but it's important to remember who I am aside from them.  All my energies are usually focused on caring and providing for my family.  To have no one to care for but myself was odd but energizing.

I am not the most well traveled person in the world.  In fact, I've never made it further west than Chicago.  This trip added a few hundred miles to that mark.  I finally crossed the Mississippi River.  California cannot be far off!!

 

You Only Have To Taste It

Two items on the project50 list involved food.  I started with some food challenges to move me out of my comfort zone and also wanted to eat a restaurant meal cooked by my nephew.  I managed to cross both off the list on this trip.

I was treated to some amazing meals and flavors as I ate my way across Minneapolis.  Tuna tartar, avocado ice cream, shaved ponzu, sriracha, fois gras, prune coulis, braised fennel, fig and perneau puree, waygu beef, squid ink, chicken liver, duck liver, the list goes on and on and I said YES to every one. There were some flavors I enjoyed more than others and no one ever asked me to eat a bug.  Each dish was made all the more enjoyable with a tour guide.  There were odd combinations like tuna tartar with avocado ice cream and strawberry with carrots and fois butter.  But my tour guide Sean talked me through each one and I began to not only understand but appreciate this different world.   

 

Sean has been working as a chef in Minneapolis for over five years.  It's one thing to eat one of his home cooked meals and a completely different thing to eat one of his restaurant meals. Perhaps even more enjoyable than tasting his extraordinary culinary creations was watching him in his element.  Tilia Minneapolis has an open kitchen and chef's bar that allows you to watch the chefs as they prepare your meal.  It takes dining to a whole different level-- meal preparation as entertainment.  It's not just about the food.  It's about hitting all the different senses to create an experience.  There's a dance that takes place as each chef and cook moves around the small kitchen prepping, cooking, plating.  Each individual plate is a piece of art that is refined for maximum visual, olfactory, flavor impact.  It was a window on a world that I had heard about but never experienced.

Your Day Will Come or 

Every Little Thing's Gonna Be Alright

I was nineteen when Sean was born and lived with him until he was about four.  With my sister's indulgence, I call him my first baby.  I was there for a portion of the time she raised him and was able to learn and help as she parented. I think it was a boot camp that prepared me for when my own kids came along.  

As I watched Sean during my visit,  I was filled with awe as he created culinary masterpieces and expedited orders in a crowded, chaotic kitchen. Everywhere we went he was embraced and greeted with enthusiasm, warmth and generosity.  Each person I was introduced to could not say enough about him. It was good to see him settled in his own apartment with his own style. I was struck by what an amazing man he has become.  We often say that parenting is a job you don't truly know you've done well until your children are launched and on their own for a while. My sister has raised an incredible human being and I am grateful that I had a part to play in that process. Job well done Meg.

 

Forgiveness Is A Gift You Give Yourself

As with any sibling relationship, Meg and I have had our rocky moments.  There have been things I've done that have hurt her and vice versa.  We have gotten past our hurts through patience, understanding and forgiveness. If you had told me ten years ago that we would have made it to this place, I would have been doubtful.  It makes me hopeful that even the most damaged relationships can be renewed and grateful that Meg and I stuck with it and came through on the other side.  I would have missed out on a fulfilling relationship with a beautiful woman.

 

Do The Things You Love (Or Fear) With People You Love

I went to the Mall of America, rode a roller coaster, got lost in a parking garage, ate organ meats, searched for geo caches, appreciated great art and not so great art, explored a sculpture garden, cruised the Mississippi and a dozen or more other things.  Doing all this with people you love makes the tougher things (roller coasters and organ meats) easier and the enjoyable things joyful.  These experiences can revitalize and are the moments I can recall to lift me when the darkness threatens.

 

Two Lakes Down, 9,998 To Go

I am incredibly grateful to have had this experience and to have had Meg and Sean all to myself for a few days.  Minnesota is the Land of 10,000 Lakes.  I was fortunate to see Lake Harriot and Lake Calhoun.  You know what that means.  I'll have to go back.   My next visit will be longer, Mark will come with me and I will fast for two weeks before departure.

Zip On!

I'm afraid of heights. I'm afraid of speed. I don't do roller coasters and once while on an Alpine slide, I had a line of angry, screaming people behind me because I was riding my brake.  I am not the most daring person. In fact, you could say I am risk adverse.  The biggest risks I ever take are chopping all my hair off and wearing bright orange dresses.

But if I really want to keep to the spirit of project50, I feel that I need to challenge myself.  It can't all be massages and trips.  I want to grow from this experience.  And what better way to grow than to face the things you fear.  Bungee jumping and skydiving were off the table. (I don't want to grow that much)  Ziplining seemed manageable.

I piled Mark and the two youngest into the car and headed off to Empower Zip Line in Middletown, CT to take the leap.

 

What I Learned

Thinking Is Over-rated or Denial Isn't Such a Bad Thing.

I'm guilty of over-thinking.  I tend to research, consult and analyze before making decisions.  While that serves me well in most instances, it can be a hindrance in others.  Anticipation can lead to anxiety and sometimes its just better to put certain things out of mind until the moment is at hand. So whether through denial, avoidance or early onset Alzheimer's, when we arrived at Empower my nerves were under control.  The nerves started as I climbed the 10 ft ladder to the first platform.

 

The First Step Is the Hardest or A Leap of Faith

I stood on the platform and listened intently as our guides explained procedure and technique and watched as eight people took the leap before me, my nerves still intact. But none of this prepared me to take that first step off the platform to zip 350 feet across a field 50 feet off the ground. It was my turn.  I hesitated.  I started to think. My brain started screaming. "Who's idea was this? This is crazy! I'm afraid! You could crash!" And then, I willfully shut off my brain and stepped off the platform.  I wish I could say it was exciting and exhilarating but I was so focused on not spinning and sticking the landing that I had little time to enjoy the ride.

The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste

There are four zip lines of various lengths on the course and as with anything, the more I did, the more comfortable I felt.  Even standing on a 10 foot platform 50 feet up in a tree really didn't bother me.  I kept reminding myself that I was harnessed and secured to the cables.  The hardest part of the whole course had to be the cargo net and the multi-vine traverse. Where with the zip line, the cable and pulley and incline did the work, on the cargo net and traverse I had to do the work. Whether I maneuvered across or fell to dangle on the cable was all up to me.  It's hard to remember that you are safely attached to cables that can stop jets on aircraft carriers when you are working your way across a cargo net.  There was a battle of wills taking place between my defeatist and determined self.  Little Mary Little kept saying, "You can't do this.  This is too hard. You're going to fall!  You look like an idiot.  This is craziness." But Mary Little-Finnegan chimed in, "You can do this.  Just a bit more.  You're going to be OK. One step at a time."  It's a battle I've fought my entire life and a lesson I am still learning.  I have to be my own best cheerleader.  I can talk myself out of and into anything and I need to talk myself into more.

When All Else Fails Fake It 'Til You Make It

At the end of the day my face ached from smiling. Not sure whether the smiles were genuine (i.e. thrilled to be here) or nervous (i.e. I can't cry like a baby so I'll plaster this smile on my face and pretend it's all good.)  Either way, there's a lesson here.  Sometimes if I can just get out of my own way and act the part, I'll grow my way into it.

There Is Power In The People

Surrounding yourself with great people can get you where you want to, need to go.  From the guides at Empower to the other members of our group and my husband and children, the support I felt helped to get me through.  I also freely admit that a bit of peer pressure didn't hurt.  Who wants to be the first one or the only one of the group that refuses to do something?

Does it rate in my top 10 experiences of all time?  No.  Would I do it again? Yes.  I think it's like anything.  The more you do it the more familiar it becomes, the less fear there is.  I'd like to go again; this time to enjoy the ride rather than conquer the fear.

Sometimes the experiences find you

Sometimes you need to search out new experiences and sometimes they find you. Such was the case this past week when I took my first ambulance ride and had my first stay in a hospital that was not childbirth related.

On Thursday night, I sliced my hand. I should have gone to the clinic for stitches but I figured I could muscle through. Perhaps a scar would forestall my aspirations to become a hand model but I could live with that. By Friday afternoon, it was clear this was not something I could handle myself. I was in pretty significant pain and had spiked a fever. Mark dragged me to the clinic where I was told I had an infection and they were going to treat it with IV antibiotics. After two hours of treatment and six prescriptions, I left the clinic with the instructions that if my hand had not improved or looked worse in morning I was to return to the clinic. Twelve hours later I was back at the clinic being told I would be admitted to the hospital.

What??? This stuff doesn't happen to me. I'm healthy and strong. Heck, I don't ever get a flu shot and you're telling me a little 1/2 inch cut has landed me in the hospital. It's Christmas Eve! I have things to do. Christmas doesn't happen without me. I have people counting on me to make this a fun, special holiday.

Life has a way of humbling the arrogant.

At the hospital I was told I had an aggressive bacterial infection and surgery was the best way to deal with it. I stopped resisting and put myself in the hands of the experts. I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day recovering and being pumped with five different antibiotics and was released Monday afternoon.

Lessons Learned
I am guilty of hubris. I have believed that I am not susceptible to things that bring others down. I have believed that I can conquer anything by sheer force of will. What's that they say about pride coming before a fall? Contrary to my own mythology I am not invincible. We can know many things intellectually but until we encounter them experientially they don't fully integrate into our consciousness.

I have been humbled. I will not get out of this life alive. Something will eventually cause my demise. I have some control over what will get me and when this will happen. When I willfully disregard the warnings, I hasten the likelihood of departing this life before my time.

We've all heard the oxygen mask instructions on airplanes. The flight attendant instructs adults to put their oxygen mask on first, then assist their child. The reason being, if you lose consciousness you will not be able to help or save your child. I need to care for myself as I care for my husband and children. If I don't, I won't be here to share their lives.

Little things can become big things in the blink of an eye. Be mindful of the little things.

Allow others to take care of you. I've never been very good at this. I pride (there's that word again) myself on being capable and self-sufficient. I'm the one who cares for everyone else. Turning the tables is uncomfortable but a valuable lesson. Caring for others is an expression of love. I need to permit those I love to love me back. By denying them this, I am rejecting their love. What kind of lesson is that to teach your children? From drying my hair to putting on my socks, opening pill bottles to preparing food, I am giving up some control and allowing others to care for me.

Mark and I have raised some amazing children. When faced with the realization that some adjustments would need to be made to Christmas celebrations, they unanimously agreed to postpone opening gifts and Christmas dinner until Mom could be there. They gave themselves five minutes to be disappointed then rallied and found ways to make the best out of what they had to deal with. In short order the hospital room was decorated, Christmas breakfast was brought in and what really mattered became evident.

A college professor once told me not to judge people by their grand actions but by their day to day behavior. Because of this I know my husband loves me. He washed my hair. He cut my food. This is what love is really all about.

I owe a debt of gratitude to all the doctors, nurses and techs who cared for me. Their kindness and care made my sadness of missing our traditional Christmas bearable.

There are so many more lessons I could explore but I will leave it at this. Like Scrooge when he awakened Christmas morning, I have been changed by this experience. I will take what I have learned and integrate it into my life. I will be a better person because of it.

My kinda town...

...Chicago is.

Not sure why Chicago has always been on the list of cities I wanted to visit. Maybe it's Mrs. O'Leary's cow or Al Capone ... (ok I'll admit it's all those Andrew Greeley novels) It's always seemed a romantic place to me. So when our friends Scott and Cindy suggested we come for a visit it was a big YES! Everything fell into place so easily, as if it was meant to be.

We started by putting a list of "must sees" together. Mark being the Food Network addict he is, had a list of restaurants and food that were an absolute must. Deep dish pizza and Italian beef sandwiches topped the list. For me, the list included Millennium Park, the big coffee bean, the Art Institute of Chicago and dipping my toes in Lake Michigan.

It was a whirlwind visit but we managed to fit everything in. Our terrific hosts made sure each and every item on the wish list was crossed off. It was exactly what the doctor ordered: full of laughter, togetherness, food and fun and just enough sight-seeing. We need this time to reconnect-- to rediscover what it is that we cherish in one another.

So scratch another Great Lake, a few masterpiece paintings and deep dish pizza off the list. This is shaping up to be an awesome 50th year.

why did I wait so long?

Am I the only woman on earth who has never had a professional massage? It's just another thing I never got around to.

So thanks to dear friends Donna and Pam (missed you Nancy) the appointment was made. I tried not to think about it. I was afraid that if I did I would start to obsess. We arrived the morning of and it was perfectly lovely.

It's an exercise in surrender. Stepping off the gerbil wheel and surrendering the never ceasing thoughts and obsessions to pure sensation. I needed to constantly remind myself to stop ruminating, thinking, obsessing so that I could be in the moment. And in the end, what was left was "Why did I wait so long?"

so far...

To be fair, project50 began this past summer with some gastronomic exploits. Can you believe I reached my 49th year and had never enjoyed sushi? It's true. I'm not very adventurous when it comes to food. I guess I figured that since we didn't eat out all that frequently, I might as well spend money on food I knew I would enjoy. I was in a culinary rut. But with the assistance of my foodie friend Julia, I took a leap and widened my horizons.

My sampling included a tuna roll, a California roll, a salmon roll and a spicy tuna roll. I liked the spicy tuna. I could have passed on the uncooked rolls. I just couldn't get past the texture. Will I have it again? Yes, but I didn't fall in love, I didn't become obsessed.

One thing crossed off the list. What will be next?

the countdown begins

It's a year away. Fifty--half of 100. mid-life. It's just a number and yet it can have such power over us.

Life is changing and I'm a pessi-optimist or opti-pessimist. I struggle to remain in the light and not be dragged to the dark side. I'm moving from one phase into another and I have a choice. I can dread it. I can dwell on all that has passed and moments that will never be again. Or I can celebrate all that is and all that can be. I am choosing to celebrate and I invite you to come along for the ride.

I'm challenging myself to do things I've never done. I will not skydive. But I will break out of my comfort zone and do things that I've never done or put off. It's a pseudo bucket list. It includes the very simple-- try sushi and the more complex-- walk a red carpet. I'll need help. Some days my imagination can abandon me. So share your ideas. Give me suggestions. I reserve the right to modify or reject but I will consider your ideas. And I'll share with you my adventures as I celebrate this wonderful life, broaden my horizons and forge forward into the next fifty.